She Reads Truth | Soul Detox | Day 19

Today’s Reading: Psalm 56:1-13

Today’s Word:

In order to face the “what ifs” of fear, you must acknowledge your fear and choose to trust God.

What things are holding you back from acknowledging your fears and putting your full trust in God?

Acknowledge fear. Acknowledge.
This word jumps off the page and screams at me.
Acknowledge means to disclose against one’s will or inclination, it implies the disclosing of something that has been or might be concealed.

What are some of the fears that I need to acknowledge?
> Pain, physical & emotional
> Death, mine & loved ones
> Debt, and financial bondage
> Rejection, professional failure & loneliness

So what do I do with this? Stare it straight in the face.

Pain, physical & emotionalI’ve had ongoing/chronic back pain that has been AWFUL. I’ve been in a merri-go-round with different doctors and I don’t have the finances to make the right step without going into debt. So I’ve been taking it easy, taking advantage of resources such as youtube and books like PainFree and getting a ton of help from my husband while I’m healing. Which leads to emotions, the needing to ask for help for things like tying my tennis-hoes and getting over the embarrassment when I need help in public. Brokenness. 

Death, mine & loved onesA little over a year ago my nephew died, which changed my perspective on just about everything. There were complications with his birth and they had to resuscitate him (I was in the delivery room). I had about three weeks of bad dreams reliving those moments and some dreams where he wouldn’t make it. This past week I had a dream that my husband died after I’ve had dreams over the past year of him cheating on me etc. Dear friends have had miscarriages, a tragedy I pray I’ll never face.  Death. Death of life, of relationship, of anything happy. And the LORD has to intervene and cover me with his peace. And live each day realizing that the Lord sits on his throne and is bringing all things to his glory.

Debt, and financial bondage
This is a constant battle. Something that my husband and I have different views on and are trying to wrestle into a balance that works for us. Where I stop finding a false sense of security in money, and he functions within a reasonable budget (that we are still trying to figure out). Teamwork. Struggle. Frustration. Overwhelmed. Consequence. Nothing makes me panic like finances. Nothing makes my husband more upset than when I panic over finances. Debt is financial bondage, fear of debt is spiritual bondage. Balance.

Rejection, professional failure & lonelinessFailure as a photographer, either by rejection of others or lack of pursuit on my end. Rejection from people I’m in community with, or rather a lack of community causing loneliness. Being lonely in my marriage because I’ve lost sight of the fulfillment that comes from the LORD.

Acknowledged.

So now what?

One day at a time LORD, give me the strength to see these fears and the lies that cause them, and trust you. Trust in your unfailing love. Rest in your mercy and grace. See the contrast of the ‘good’ vs. the ‘bad’ and how all things can be used for your glory. 

“Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.” -Francis Chan